When God gently reveals what’s hidden
Brandi Skidmore
Special to The Commercial
God doesn’t shout. He just gently uncovers the hidden corners and dust bunnies in your heart — just a little whisper that makes you understand both your motivations and your hidden sins.
Jeremiah 17:9-10 says: “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately corrupt; who can understand it? I the Lord search the mind and try the heart, to give every man according to his ways, according to the fruit of his doings.”
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In the past year, the Lord has pulled back the veil on my heart twice. And both times, He revealed the mildewing edges, just out of sight: my lack of trust and belief.
That first soft rebuke came in Scripture: the Gospel reading about the woman who was healed from the flow of blood. In my heart, I just didn’t get why everyone loves this story so much. I mean, I get the miracle. But I connect so much more with the woman who washes Jesus’ feet with her tears and hair.
At that moment of questioning, that still, small voice said to me, “That’s because you love me so much but don’t believe I love you.” Ouch. That touched a bruised spot I didn’t know was there. I began to weep because I saw the truth of that.
I was willing to offer Jesus whatever He wanted of me, freely, but I lacked faith that He loved me. I never doubt that God is going to show up and show out, but here God was telling me that I didn’t really believe He loved me. I’ll be honest and tell you it was a very emotional confession that week.
Then, in a quieter but no less piercing way, I was talking to my oldest friend. You know — the one who knows you from before you learned to hide who you are, and who sees past all the junk. I’d recently been invited to work on a dream project and was hesitating. When she asked me why, I started in with all the excuses.
I found myself admitting that I just felt like it was too good, that I didn’t deserve anything if it wasn’t a sacrifice made on behalf of other people. My friend stared at me, dumbfounded, as the Lord revealed my lack of faith and trust.
The next morning, at Mass in an unfamiliar parish, I was still reeling from the things God had shown me. As the parish said the responses in Latin, I was struck by the phrase “sursum corda: lift up your hearts.” Are we lifting our hearts to God — really? Are we asking Him to show us all the hidden, battered parts of our hearts?
Jeremiah tells us we can’t even understand our own hearts. I get that. If you asked me, I would’ve never guessed at these mouldering places. Sister Miriam James talks about the theology of the mind and the theology of the heart: what we know to be true isn’t always what we actually believe to be true. What do we know with our head but not our heart? What needs to be lifted up to the Lord, offered to Him?
I won’t lie and tell you this is an easy place to be. It’s hard to have the murkiness of my heart reflected back at me. But the freedom that comes from repenting of these sheltered and unnoticed sins is where God wants us. Only grace can pull back the veil over our hearts. In gentleness and love, He frees us even from the stories we didn’t know we were living.
Hope, peace and grace to you.
Brandi Skidmore can be found writing at slowbecoming.substack.com. Skidmore, now of Indiana, is the former vice president of the Ladies Altar Society at Our Lady of the Lake Catholic Church at Lake Village, Ark.
Editor’s note: Pastors, ministers or other writers interested in writing for this section may submit articles for consideration to shope@adgnewsroom.com. Writers should have connections to Southeast Arkansas. Please include your name, phone number and the name and location of your church or ministry.