January, August and/or September share one common characteristic. They are months associated with new beginnings, according to Janette Wheat, Ph.D, of the University of Arkansas at Pine Bluff.
Wheat is an associate professor and Cooperative Extension Program human development specialist, according to a news release.
“In August and September, the mind naturally drifts to new transitions that students will be facing. It may be entering high school from middle school, now in a new setting back to being on the lowest ladder rung. Or, students could be entering their senior year, off to college, trade school, the workforce or military service in completely new surroundings,” according to the release. “With few exceptions, these transitions make previous ones seem like a cakewalk.”
Dennis Trittin, founder, president, chief executive officer of LifeSmart Publishing and author of “What I Wish I Knew at 18,” agrees with Wheat.
Each transition poses unique opportunities and challenges not only in how young people will do, but also how they will fit in, she said. Change that brings a new environment is generally the most socially demanding of all. That’s because some friendships will fade away as young people seek to make new ones.
Independent reporting for Pine Bluff & Jefferson County since 1879.
Both Wheat and Trittin have said that the ability to cultivate new friendships is a critical skill to foster in children.
Wheat and Trittin offer these tips for successfully making new friendships whether one is a teen beginning a new chapter in life or a parent, caregiver, mentor or educator providing support and encouragement.
Wheat advises people to keep the following steps in mind:
• You are worth knowing. Remember you are unique with great qualities, experiences, interests and passions. You will be a great friend to others.
• Be choosy. Make a list of values and interests you would like in a friend, and use it as a mental filter when meeting new people. Some will pass your test, but most will not, she said.
• It’s about quality. Many young people are misguided by social media into thinking it’s quantity that counts. What counts are a few close friends you can trust and whose company you enjoy.
• No sprint is involved. A bad trap is trying to make new friends fast, sometimes out of loneliness and impatience. This is when we are most vulnerable, she said. Time and testing are necessary to determine a good match.
• Positivity is key. There’s a saying that we tend to become the average of the five people with whom we spend the most time. So, when you meet new people, ask yourself if you have to change to fit in. Surround yourself with positive and uplifting people, and you’ll win in both the short and long run, both Trittin and Wheat advise.
• No fit, that’s okay! Relationships progress in stages, from acquaintance to prospect to friend to VIP. Few advance to the next stage as we know them better. Most people will only stay in the acquaintance stage, and that’s okay.
• A vibrant tree needs pruning and new growth. One of the difficult realities with relationships is that some are forever, and others are for a season, but we don’t know it at the time. As we enter new stages and environments, it is common to drift away or to prune some old relationships – those where we no longer have the same degree of connection. This is difficult, but it is normal, she reminds us. New relationships are there to take their place.
• Get in the game. In life, best friends usually share interests and values. So, be careful looking for new friends. Identify with people who share your interests. Hang out with them. It can be a club, organization or activity. Be where they are, and you will eventually find friends. The same is true of your values. Find people who share them.
• Be inquisitive and other-centered. Some people try so hard to make new friends that they spend most of their time talking about themselves and how great they are. Contrast them with people who are genuinely inquisitive when meeting others and who let them do most of the talking. They are friend magnets.
“When you go out of your way to show interest in others, it is only a matter of time and mutually shared experiences that will determine whether or not they will rise to the level of friend,” Wheat said. “May you have a lifetime filled with new and wonderful friendships.”
The University of Arkansas at Pine Bluff offers all of its Extension and Research programs and services without discrimination.
— Carol Sanders is a writer/editor with the UAPB School of Agriculture, Fisheries and Human Sciences.