What matters is not your outer appearance — the styling of your hair, the jewelry you wear, the cut of your clothes — but your inner disposition ―1 Peter 3:3.
Walking into the room, I caught the tail end of a mother-daughter conversation that had all the familiar tones of comparison. It was a classic situation where the daughter was measuring herself against another young girl. I was deeply impressed with the mom’s effort to navigate the conversation with just the right mix of empathy and perspective. She lovingly told her, “You look beautiful. Your outfit is perfect for the occasion.”
The young girl was decked out in a beautiful western wear themed outfit. I recall the dress being a light green color with an elastic top that could be worn off the shoulder. The bottom was sectioned horizontally into two parts to allow for graceful movement and was accessorized perfectly with her cowboy hat. She looked simply gorgeous. But somehow, she was blinded by the equally amazing cowgirl we saw sitting before us. Instead of recognizing her own beauty and what she had to offer, she was withdrawn with her eyes outwardly focused on someone else’s attire.
She showed no signs of believing her mother’s kind words. Her behavior indicated that she was closed off to any outside encouragement. Her body posture surrendered to her emotions. The forward droopiness of her shoulders distorted her body shape into a protective fetus position. Her head hung down allowing her chin to nestle against her chest, while both legs were so tightly meshed together that they looked like one limb. The mother’s attempts to uplift her daughter’s spirit should have turned the situation around, but the downcast daughter wasn’t having it.
Independent reporting for Pine Bluff & Jefferson County since 1879.
I am not sure what really was the turning point in her mood, but, when I saw her later that same day, she was engaging with others. Her body language was positive. She was happy. And, more importantly, the thing that once caused her to feel not-good-enough had subsided. Time and encouragement had done their jobs and the feeling of comparison had passed.
It wasn’t just a young girl’s story; throughout history it has been all of our stories at one time or another. We all have fallen into the trap of comparison. That young girl was me one Halloween night, when all I wore were my street clothes while a classmate wore an off-the-shelf costume.
Thankfully, this young girl overcame her momentary struggle of thinking that she didn’t measure up, because most of us don’t rebound as quickly. Such was the case, in an age-old bible story written by Paul to the Corinthians.
The letter addressed the Corinthians’ comparison of Paul’s in-person preaching style to false prophets. 2 Cor. 10:12: [For] We do not dare to classify or compare ourselves with those who think they are very important [commend/promote themselves; They use themselves to measure themselves, and they judge themselves by what they themselves are. This shows that they know nothing [or What ignorance! or What fools!]
Apparently, these opponents were measuring and judging themselves against Paul’s abilities and authority to preach. And, some of the Corinthians were buying it.
In person, the Corinthians thought Paul was meek, too afraid to raise his voice. In contrast, when he wrote letters to them, he was bold. Their standards were dripping with their own truth, their own nature, and judgements based on class, rank, and speaking style/abilities. Their focus was external.
Paul told them, “It is true that I am an ordinary, weak human being, but I don’t use human plans and methods to win my battles. I use God’s mighty weapons, not those made by men, to knock down the devil’s strongholds. These weapons can break down every proud argument against God and every wall that can be built to keep men from finding him. With these weapons I can capture rebels and bring them back to God and change them into men whose hearts’ desire is obedience to Christ.” 2 Cor 10:2-3.
Paul refused to succumb to their criticism. He knew God had given him the authority to establish the church at Corinth. And, he also had the authority to correct them. So, in response to their negative feedback, Paul reminded them that because they are believers, he didn’t have to come blazing with guns loaded. Instead, he patiently stayed in his lane led by the Spirit to complete the assignment set before him. What he offered couldn’t be compared with others that are not of God. And, if they fall into this trap of comparison, they could potentially miss out on the blessings of God.
It’s important that we evaluate others by using God’s units of measurement ― love, kindness, mercy, etc. His mercy always wins over judgment. His love runs deep. In fact, I think He wants us to use our own unique styles and creativity.
Galatians 6:4-5 (MSG) puts it perfectly: “Make a careful exploration of who you are and the work you have been given, and then sink yourself into that. Don’t be impressed with yourself. Don’t compare yourself with others. Each of you must take responsibility for doing the creative best you can with your own life.”
What if that beautiful young cowgirl had kept her focus on God instead of worrying about how someone else looked. What if we did also? Once comparison takes root, it robs your joy and leads to dissatisfaction — maybe even jealousy and envy. Be careful! Avoid the trap of comparison. Just be you! Love who you are. See yourself through God’s eyes, and strive to align with His plans for you, not others.
1 Samuel 16:7 “… God judges persons differently than humans do. Men and women look at the face; God looks into the heart.”
Brenette Wilder, formerly of Altheimer, Ark., is a blogger at wordstoinspire105953116.wordpress.com and author of Netted Together, https://nettedtogether.org.
Editor’s note: Pastors, ministers or other writers interested in writing for this section may submit articles for consideration to shope@pbcommercial.com or shope@adgnewsroom.com. Please include your phone number and the name and location of your church or ministry. Writers should have a connection to Southeast Arkansas.